After That
by PrettyGothGirl
Summary: RG: It's been a long day, after a long two years and Gippal's been reduced to background noise as Rikku does the only thing she has energy left to do... think.


**After That**  
_by PrettyGothGirl_

All Disclaimers Apply  
**Summary:** It's been a long day, after a long two years and Gippal's been reduced to background noise as Rikku does the only thing she has energy left to do... think.  
**A/N:** Inspired by something I said in "On this Young Night and in a style similar to George opening an episode in Dead Like Me. I'm unsure of whether to continue this story or not. Help me?

You don't go looking for love. Love, so I've discovered, generally finds you. I'm sure if I told this to Paine she'd look at me like I'd lost my mind. It was true though. I certainly hadn't gone looking to fall in love with _him_.

I was quite serious when I told Tidus that I wanted to get married and have a bunch of kids to the first man I fell in love with. Even at 15 I knew this involved a ceremony, an active sex life and a very serious commitment. So, during and after Sin, I looked for the type of man I thought I wanted and it wasn't _Gippal_. The type of man I wanted was handsome, would adore me, wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me, dependable, adventurous, fun loving and someone who drove me crazy. I couldn't see myself with someone like Wakka who couldn't make up his mind. I'd beat him over the head with his blitzball, repeatedly. That was driving me crazy all right, but not in a good way. Nor could I see myself with an Auron type, an old stick in the mud, way too serious for their own good. Tidus types in my books were good friends material. Enough fun loving to have adventures together, not something you want to go back to at the end of a day and relax with. I'm still not sure Tidus knew _how_ to relax.

I didn't expect to fall in love with Gippal. Not with the guy who was semi-famous, popular and sexy enough that it made me think that he had a girl on every corner. Not with the guy who was my childhood friend, the one I grew up with and couldn't remember I was a girl half the time. Not the guy I was pretty sure wouldn't ever look at me twice, if he looked at me at all in that type of way. I never expected Gippal to be the one to make my heart pound and my body ache.

All right, that last bit, admittedly, it's lust. I like a good bit of lust mixed in with my love, makes things run smoother.

I never expected Gippal to fit my desires so perfectly, except for the adoring and not able to keep his hands off me part. He was handsome, moderately dependable and always fun loving. He even had the driving me crazy bit well under control. He was, well, Gippal, a guy I could see myself having that very active sex life with and the kids. The kids, if they were anything like the two of us, would add a nice dose of chaos to everyday life, get into scrapes and drive us crazy. It'd make an interesting relationship that much more entertaining.

It was Gippal, who was a jackass, often couldn't see the answer right in front of his nose, more stubborn than that jackass, as easily distracted from whatever he was doing, always late and never could keep his mouth shut. Add the whole I was a friend that was like a boy but just happened to be a girl and his popularity rating, which was almost the same if not higher than mine.

I was doomed to be lovesick.

For popularity, I was just an ex-Guardian who happened to be a Sphere Hunter. He was still doing things, running a business masquerading as a political group, which was just his type of thing, the ultimate swindle. I know him a bit too well.

I think the worst part was I could feel the connection between us, or I thought I could feel the connection. I could be deluded for all I know. It wouldn't be the first time I've thought I've gone off the deep end. It was a wire stretched between us, taut and humming whenever something happened. I could feel it thrumming through my body and I just _knew_ things. I wasn't even sure when it all started. Did it start when I went looking or had it started before then, before I joined up with Yuna as a Guardian? There'd been many times I was afraid and upset for no reason. I thought it was because of Yuna, yet as we discovered more about what happened to the guys I began to wonder if it had been triggered by her at all. And if I had been feeling this connection with Gippal even before I had my talk with Tidus.

Or once again, was I deluded?

Yuna's connection with Tidus at least went both ways. She loved him and he loved her. It made sense that she could feel things. As far as I knew, I loved him and he didn't love me. So why would I feel this way?

Or was I just a girl who was obsessed with the idea of love for loves sake? Was I imagining things?

Paine's cynicism must be catching.

Emotion is emotion. You feel it or you don't. And I was used to acting on it. What I felt was what I did. Save the Summoners from their stupidity and the stupidity of their religion that made no logical sense especially when Sin kept coming back. Yes. Kidnapped them and held them prisoner in the bottom of our city. Did it. Get beat up by Yuna's Guardians and decide if you can't beat them, join 'em. Done. Steal your cousin off her backwoods island where she's wasting herself away pining over a boy. Been there. Tell your Brother he's an idiot, not in those exact words, for holding a grudge with a guy over a girl that said guy probably doesn't even remember. Check.

I wasn't exactly known for looking before I leapt, or talked or fought or anything really. There was my entire life philosophy in a nutshell, see the problem, feel about the problem, fix the problem. Wah lah.

So my problem, I was in love with Gippal. I wasn't sure if that really was a problem. More like the problem was he wasn't in love with me. And I wasn't sure that was _my_ problem. It felt more like his problem. And even if it was my problem, I didn't know what to do about it.

I was at a loss. It wasn't like I could just fling myself in his arms and declare myself. Well, I could but even I knew better than to do something like that. Rejection was something I had yet to face on a romantic level and I didn't really want to start now.

For once my 'see, feel, do' policy had completely failed and I was a loss on what to do next. Love _sucked_.

"Cid's girl, I think I lost you somewhere." Gippal said, tugging on one of my braids. It was enough to bring me back from the thoughts while he'd been droning on in the background. I bit my tongue so I wouldn't ask him to remind me why I loved him again, especially when he just went on and on. He didn't know I loved him.

I sighed instead. I was reaching that babbling stage of existence. It'd been a long, tiring, emotional and odd day. Being beat on by a oversized rusty piece of junk, being beat on more by an unsent, wiggling out of speech making, traveling to Besaid, reuniting with Tidus who just happened to be there, huge party, talking Brother out of committing suicide over Yuna, yeah, odd day. "Maybe you could give me the extreme abridged summarized notes version." I think my brain was the only thing still running on full, the rest, including my hyper short attention span was utterly spent. Two years of work over and I hadn't even gotten to the 'now what' stage. Or did I just get there. My eyes closed and I swayed. "As much as I love-" oops, short pause, recovery "-and you love the sound of your own voice. Could you take all that you just said and put it in _one_ sentence." My shoulder's sagged and I just wanted sleep, to lie horizontal and lose eight hours or so in black oblivion, process the input. I felt his arm wrap about my waist and my forehead hit his shoulder. I sighed again. That felt… nice and he smelled nice too. One of those irresistible scents that make you want to touch and taste, backed by the scents of fuel, oil, and grease. Too bad I didn't have the energy. Figures he'd wear something like that, bad enough he had to look good. He had to smell good too.

"I'd doubt you'd remember even if I did." He said and I could hear it right there in my ear. I shivered.

Anyways, if was three little words like 'I love you,' I would, but if it was anything else. He was most likely right. "Mmmm." My hand sneaked up and pressed against his chest, just to push away and leave. Then I felt the beat of his heart and the rhythm of it was very soothing. Hell, I needed sleep. I left my hand there. The Celsius was parked way too far away and he was warm. So this was the reality of the saying 'to be asleep on one's feet.' I kinda liked it or maybe it was just Gippal.

"Rikku."

Ah, so he could remember my name. "Mmmm?"

"Are you awake?"

"Barely."

"The Celsius left."

Oh that'd been some of the roaring in my ears and not oxygen deprivation and lightheadedness like I'd thought. "That's nice." They'd be back for me eventually or I could make it to an inn someplace, as soon as I could get my body to move.

He moved and I opened my eyes in time to see the ground fall away from under my feet as he picked me up. He shifted me a bit and I wanted to make a protest and couldn't, cause I didn't really want to make a protest. I sighed and closed my eyes again and I knew we had entered the temple by the difference in air pressure and the sounds of the electricity arcing along the walls. A couple of doors closed. He set me down on what felt like a bed and began to remove my boots and gloves and things. I waved a hand at him, trying to put the words together that I could undress myself, but they didn't come. And I knew if I did undress myself I'd forget where I was and undress myself completely. I'd been sleeping nude for quite some time, unless I was on the Celsius due to the fact after Paine had joined up and noticed my sleeping habits she'd gone out and bought me a nightdress. Paine's philosophy must be 'do whatever you want, but do it with style and don't let anyone know you're doing it' because it was something I'd never buy for myself, let alone know where to buy. She had taste. Graduated dyed satin silk from yellow to red, I think she said she couldn't figure out what color to get me, and falling to mid thigh. It was the first piece of true lingerie I ever owned and it didn't travel with me. She'd bought one for Yuna too, blue with lace. Yuna seemed to inspire lace.

Gippal even pulled out the beads and my braids, leaving me in just my bikini top and bottom. I rolled to my side and curled up. The bed shifted a few minutes later as he lay down next to me. It brought back memories, warm, comfortable and familiar ones. Ones I tried not to poke too often.

I hadn't shared a bed with Gippal since I was eleven years old. At that time, he'd stopped inviting me to the little all night get together things he had in his room with me and a whole bunch of guys. It was a rule that I got the bed and since it was Gippal's bed, he got it too. I refused to sleep on the floor with a bunch of boys. Anyways, he'd stopped inviting me and I got hurt and stopped sneaking into his room on the nights there weren't parties like I used to as well. It took me a few years to figure out that if you were going to talk about girls having a girl in the room wasn't conducive to open and frank conversations. And by the time I came to that conclusion I wasn't sure if my open invitation was, well, open any more. He never treated me any different after that either, despite the fact I wasn't in on the 'guy' parties. I was still for all intents and purposes, a guy, except for the nail polish.

It was funny. Yuna and Paine were the first close girlfriends I'd ever had and with them I didn't feel the need to paint my nails, even thought it was a 'girly' thing to do. And even though I'd been doing it for years now, sleeping on my own still felt kind of lonely.

I rolled over and tried to put my thoughts into words and do it now when I was tired and what he said wouldn't hurt me so much if it were mean or cruel. "I'm sorry-" I stopped. How could I say this and not come off sounding dirty. 'Sorry I stopped sharing your bed, stopped sleeping with you.' Nothing I could come up with seemed to sound right. He looked at me without smiling or frowning or anything, waiting. I licked my lips and tried again. "I'm sorry I-" I frowned. "I acted like a brat. You know, when we, this was, oh never mind." I rolled back over. He didn't say anything. "I'm still sorry about it though."

His arm snaked around my waist and his body curled up around me. "I missed you too."

For being tired, now I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "Why did you tell Yunie we were a couple?"

"Because we were." He said. I opened my mouth and he shushed me. "Everyone knew that Cid's girl was my girl." His fingers worked through my hair.

I wanted to protest that nothing had ever happened. And if _everyone_ knew I was his girl, shouldn't _I_ have known. I had been left out of this 'knowing' equation. I hadn't been his girl in my opinion because he'd never asked or said anything to me and we'd never done anything. Okay, part of it was a lie. There was a long dirty list of secrets going back to childhood of things we'd done. It was disturbing and I didn't want to deal with it. We could argue in the morning about our difference in viewpoints. I yawned. "So that's why you call me that, reminding everyone in listening distance I'm yours."

"Mmmm."

"Mmmm?"

"Just wondering what you felt about it."

"I'll tell you in the morning." I said, eyes closing and I didn't remember anything after that.

* * *

I wake up suddenly, always have. There's no long time between sleep and awareness. I'm asleep or I'm awake, there is no in between. I just liked to lie in bed where it's warm and comfortable. I liked the feel the sunshine on my face. There wasn't any sun shining on my face this morning. It doesn't reach through stonewalls. I still didn't want to move. It was almost too warm with two bodies in the bed. Gippal was stroking my stomach, the rough calluses on his fingers catching on my skin from time to time.

Most mornings, my brain skipped ahead to the new day, what was coming up, however today my brain picked right up from the thoughts of the night before. You see, if I was considered his girl, all without me knowing mind you, that implied belonging, ownership, being kept, being an object. I didn't like this idea. An object could be bought, borrowed, traded or discarded, which was why it disturbed me.

Just, it was very hard to argue with his chest pressed to my back and his fingers running along my skin. I've tried to turn my stomach into an erogenous zone of sorts, an invitation to hug me from behind, place a hand there, protect that area with another layer of flesh and bone, or do naughtier things. A fingertip traced the curve of my hipbone. I felt a moan building.

"I know you're awake." He said, in his most damnable gruff morning voice directly into my ear. I shuddered and the moan slipped out.

I covered his hand with mine, stilling it, pressing the palm to my stomach. "Talk or touch, choose one." Because if he did both, I was going to do something that while I may not regret, it would just cause trouble if I we weren't clear on what exactly it was all about.

His thumb moved in little circles. "I choose C."

I bit my lip, hard. He always had to be so contrary. Fine. "If we're a couple or ever have been a couple. I'd like to be informed before everyone else." His thumb stilled. "Informed, like in you asking and not assuming." There, that's what I _felt_ about it.

His hand slid out from under mine and he wiggled away from me, and pushed me down flat on my back. It appeared if we were going to have this conversation. He wanted to look at me while doing so. "Then?"

I frowned. Then? "Then what?"

"What happens next?"

"I accept or refuse."

"After that." He stroked my cheek, his eye hooded.

I looked away and he pushed my face back to face him. "I don't know."

His eyebrow rose. "You don't know."

I didn't know, all right. I didn't know exactly what he was asking. After that what? After which that? "I don't know. I gave you two answers."

Gippal smirked. "After you accept."

Did I ever mention he was arrogant? "You know for a fact that this is a foregone conclusion." I tried to keep my voice incredulous. Why oh why did I love him again?

His smirk broadened into a grin. "You were jealous when I talked to Yuna first. And you hate that I taught Paine Al Bhed." He smoothed his face. "You still accept me touching you. It's a foregone conclusion."

I frowned. He built these little logic chains with things he'd observed or been told and usually he was right. It was annoying as an unsent that just wouldn't die. "I hate it when you do that." I paused. "And where's the fun it for you if you know everything already?"

"I don't. I don't know what happens after that."

Okay, two could play at this game. I closed my eyes. "I'm not telling." I cracked an eye to see his reaction. He leaned forward to peer into my face, so much that he fell over and had to flail an arm out to catch himself on the other side of my body. I snickered and opened my eyes fully.

"Why not?"

"Simple." I stretched, and placed my arms behind my head, grinning at him. I crossed my ankles. He growled. I fluttered my eyelashes. "You haven't asked yet." Put that in your cup and drink it Mr. Infuriating.

He moved down to his elbows, propping his chin on his fists and still managed to be over my face without touching it. "So," he paused. "Rikku."

My eyebrow rose. I didn't expect his bed to be the place he asked me to date him or be his girl or whatever. Of course with Gippal, nothing ever went as I expected. "I'm listening." This could be something else entirely too. Like asking if I was hungry or something. I never could tell what was going to happen next.

"Do you think that you could put up with me enough to have a long committed romantic relationship with me?"

Put up with? Was he kidding? I'd 'put up' with him for fifteen years. What a way to put it. I repressed a snort and gave the question the consideration it deserved. I liked the sound of long, committed and romantic. Of course, he was right. It was a foregone conclusion. I loved him and you know, I could wait and see if he loved me. This would be a good way of finding out. I brought a hand from behind my head and caressed his cheek, then setting my hand along it, using my other arm to prop my body up. I tilted my head and brushed my lips against his.

He sighed when I moved away slightly. "What are you doing?"

I smiled. "Going straight to the 'after that.'"

* * *

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